The Femme Den, The Girls Next Door and their Periods.

In a world where many spaces make us keep any talk of periods under wraps, living in an all girls share-house feels like coming home to an alternate reality of indiscretion and loud, proud periods. 

Having another set of four young women we’re all mates just over the fence only extends the dream of complete menstrual liberation I get to live in. 

A dream in we’re free to walk around in period underwear and not much else because that’s what feels comfortable, our bathroom cabinet is bursting with shared stash of tampons, pads, cups and wipes, we can lament the sufferings of our bloating, cramping and cravings out loud without shame, and between the 8 girls on either side of our rickety wooden fence, there’s someone who will want to shuffle over to Yochi in an hour of need (often 10pm on a day two heavy bleed).  

But unfortunately, everyday when we leave the wonderful confines of The Femme Den (yes, that is indeed what we’ve named our sharehouse) reminders of how far behind we are in smashing period taboos, creep into consciousness. 

There’s still so much we don’t talk about when it comes to periods. 

Period sex, struggling with irregular cycles, PMDD – the list is endless. 

So I thought, what better way to get us talking more about these unspoken experiences than to profile the members of The Femme Den and the girlies next door about their individual relationships with their periods. What irks them, what they love about it, how they manage their symptoms, what they wish we all discussed more. 

Often, when we get a little vulnerable and connected over our similar lived experiences under wraps, we feel less alone. That’s why living in the Femme Den feels so safe because although we all ‘do’ our periods differently, we’re united by our very natural, very normal experiences – totally shame-free. 

I hope that in reading these girls’ generous musings one-by-one, you feel seen and find solace in what they have to share. There’s something in there for everyone who bleeds.

Jess (girly next door):

How old were you when you got your first period? How did you feel that day?
I was in year 7 when I got my first period! 12 years old? I was staying at my Nanny’s house and told my Mum. We had to go and buy pads. I was so awkward about it! From then on I wrote on the shopping list that I needed pads or tampons to avoid asking my mum directly for them until I got my license and could go to the supermarket myself – possibly feelings of embarrassment here. I’m not sure why but maybe we didn’t speak about it enough growing up? 

In three words, how would you describe your period? 
Manageable, usually frequent 

What kind of relationship do you have with your period?
I love getting my period. I had the Implanon for 3 years which meant I didn’t get my period during that time. Since having it out, I’m learning so much about my hormones and the impact they have on my body, like acne (which I hate). Also how stress can have an impact on my cycle. I view my period as a sign of health for my body 

If any, what symptoms do you experience and how do you manage them?
Sometimes around my period I’m more emotional and can overthink things. I manage this by reminding myself my period is coming and to just ride the wave. 

Rarely I get cramps, but if they’re painful I’ll just have some Panadol which helps 

What do you wish people talked more about when it comes to periods?
I feel so lucky that I have a close group of girlfriends that we talk openly about everything, including periods. It’s taken away any shame I may have had in the past. I wish people spoke more about the cost of period care and the impact this could have on people of lower SES (and everyone in between). I love that universities and schools have started supplying sanitary products.

Lucy (girly next door): 

How old were you when you got your first period? How did you feel that day?
I was in year 4 I think! So maybe I was 9 or 10? I can’t remember, it was so long ago. But I remember I was with my mum, sister and brother staying at a family friend's beach house and I was so shocked and embarrassed! But mum was great and normalised it completely. 

In three words, how would you describe your period?
Painful, tumultuous, exhausting

What kind of relationship do you have with your period?
I used to hate my period and felt ashamed and ‘dirty’ every time I had it – probably a lot of internalised shame from school years. I remember it took me years to admit to my best friend at school that I had my period. And then one day, she just dropped in conversation something about her period like it was no big deal, and I was like ‘woah ok this isn’t something I should be embarrassed about’. 

I think now I’ve come to embrace it as it comes. Some months are shitty and some months the time goes fast. Also, I think now having a really loving partner has helped me to accept my period a lot more in terms of sex. It should really be the bare minimum, but having a partner that doesn’t bat an eyelid when it comes to bleeding and sex has definitely healed my own perception of myself when I’m menstruating. Period sex is fucking great.

If any, what symptoms do you experience and how do you manage them?
I get really bad cramps and bloating, as well as back pain, fatigue, mood swings, etc. 

I use period Panadol for the first few days, and heat packs are also life saving. Allowing myself the extra sleep ins are also vital to my daily functioning.

What do you wish people talked more about when it comes to periods?
Again, period sex! Periods are not gross and aren’t something anyone should be afraid of or made to feel ashamed of in terms of sex. I wish there was more of an emphasis on this in school! I was so ashamed for so long to have sex whilst on my period and I wish it was something I was made to feel more empowered of when I was at school.

Tiff (Femme Den member):

How old were you when you got your first period? How did you feel that day?
I was 12 and a half when I got my first period and I remember being so distraught upon pulling my pants down to an inevitable patch of blood in my knickers. I think I felt this way because I’d really only ever seen menstrual cycles on TV shows and movies as this awful, catastrophic thing (blood everywhere, boys being grossed out by it, tampons being a horrible experience). Because of this, I was in complete denial about it all and tried to blame the blood on a cut (spoiler alert: it was definitely not a cut). 

Looking back, it’s funny I dreaded it so much — especially because I was one of the last of the girls in my year level to get it, so you’d think I was itching to finally be a part of the ‘in’ club (or so it felt like at that age) — but that really didn’t bother me in the slightest. 

In three words, how would you describe your period?
Painful, light, uncomfortable.

What kind of relationship do you have with your period?
I feel like my relationship with my period is quite stable in the way that it’s quite consistent. By consistent, I don’t only mean that it comes pretty much on the same date every month, but it’s so predictable in nature too, which means I’ve really learned how to manage it in a way that works for me.

For example, I know day 1 is always light, a little painful and I get major mood swings, so I can account for that with a heat pack and painkillers. Whereas day 2 is often the heaviest, most painful day, so I try to stock up on pads or thick period undies to get me through.

If any, what symptoms do you experience and how do you manage them?
Oftentimes, I get really bad period cramps either just before or during the first few days of my period. They come and go in waves, but when they hit, they hit badly.

I usually manage this with painkillers like ibuprofen/Panadol or specialised period medications like Ponstan (which thank god helps quell the pain most times). But if it gets really bad, I’ll try to pair the painkillers with a heat pack and sit in a kneeling downward dog because it really helps! 

I’d love to try a ten’s machine though to see if it’s a better alternative because I’ve heard really good things about them! 

What do you wish people talked more about when it comes to periods?
I feel like my friendship group and a lot of the women I surround myself with now are really open about periods and menstruating, which has definitely come a long way since I was 12 and wishing my period blood was just a cut (lol), but I think one thing I’d like to see discussed more is the impacts and effects of the pill. 

As a woman, it’s so common to go into a doctor’s office and be prescribed them to alleviate period cramps or help with acne, but not many people talk about what a big decision that actually is (especially when we’re talking girlies who go in there at 16-years-old and may not know any different) just because it comes with its own set of side effects and impacts on your body.

Iman (Femme Den member):

How old were you when you got your first period? How did you feel that day?
12 and I actually felt confused. Everyone told me that I was now a woman but I still felt like a child so it didn’t make sense to me at the time. I also did not appreciate the mess. 

In three words, how would you describe your period?
Uncertain (timing wise), uncomfy, a privilege nonetheless. 

What kind of relationship do you have with your period?
For the most part a good one! As I’ve grown older the more I’ve realised that my period is a sign that the basic and vital functions of my body have been met for that month. It’s relief when I get it as I’m a believer in the all important cycle of life so even though it’s messy and uncomfy sometimes, it doesn’t take away from the beautiful experience of being a woman.

If any, what symptoms do you experience and how do you manage them?
I experience mood swings about a week before my period (or the luteal phase if you will). For me, my go-to is meditation. While I’m not so good at keeping focus, you will find me in my room, candles lit, on my floor trying to achieve yogi status with a curated zen selection of tunes. 

Life gets busy, and it can be challenging to keep up the good habits – so don’t be too harsh on yourself for straying. At the end of the day, we are all just doing our best.

What do you wish people talked more about when it comes to periods?
Irregular cycles! And managing this without the pill. If I had a dollar for every time a doctor tried to put me on the pill to ‘fix’ this (when it could very well be only a bandage solution), I’d be able to own a house in THIS economy. I really want to learn about what other women are doing to manage irregular period cycles, whether it be balancing their hormones naturally and how to do it with other forms of management.

Anna (girly next door):

How old were you when you got your first period? How did you feel that day?
I was 12. It was October 20 and I remember the exact day because it was the day Paranormal Activity 3 premiered.

I don’t remember what I felt at the time, maybe a little overwhelmed. But if I think about it retrospectively, I probably felt an internal shift around body, sex and maturity; one that I couldn’t articulate at the time.

In three words, how would you describe your period?
A gift, powerful and draining.

What kind of relationship do you have with your period?
I have a complicated relationship with my period as a whole because I suffer from PMDD. However, I have a very positive relationship with menstruating and the other weeks of my cycle that aren’t tainted by depressive thoughts. I’ve definitely dissolved a lot of the shame around periods that was projected onto us as young girls by society. I try to revel in the different elements of having my period as best I can. From break outs to bloating, these not-so-nice symptoms remind me of the magic my body is working or about to work.

If any, what symptoms do you experience and how do you manage them?
When I was a teenager my symptoms were physical with severe cramps defining my experience. As an adult I now experience PMDD and my symptoms are related to my mental health. Depression, anxiety, irritability and general mood changes are what I deal with in the week or so leading up to my period. While menstruating I simply bloat and am pretty fatigued. In terms of management, I try to be gentle and kind with myself and truly rest. I used to power through my symptoms but it wasn’t productive in any sense. Management looks like sleeping, less socialising, reducing intensity of exercising, eating nourishing foods, asking for help and overall listening to my body. Also, no high waisted pants.

What do you wish people talked more about when it comes to periods?
Period sex! And generally just having more open discussions so we can normalise them. Around half of us menstruate and 100% of us know someone who menstruates - but these numbers aren’t at all reflected in conversations. Let’s fucking go period chat!

Chloe (Femme Den member):

How old were you when you got your first period? How did you feel that day?
I was in year 7. So, I would have been 12. I remember it was in my bathroom at home and it was in the evening. I really don’t think I felt any type of way to be honest. I just was like, ‘Oh, here it is!’ 

In three words, how would you describe your period?
Unpredictable, manageable, mild. 

What kind of relationship do you have with your period?
I think I have a pretty alright relationship with my period. It's been difficult recently because I went on the pill. I didn't really look at my cycle properly before going on the pill and I think that really stuffed it up. That was really hard. 

But other than that, I think I have a pretty good relationship with my period. I think I'm lucky in that I don't really get super bad cramps. I don't really get super heavy periods, they’re pretty manageable. 

I don't really notice my mood changing or anything. But a good indicator of my period is me getting ravenously hungry, like two days prior – uncharacteristically ravenous. So that's how I can always tell. 

If any, what symptoms do you experience and how do you manage them?
I got mild cramping during  the period that I had most recently, but usually I have almost no cramping. But I experienced mild to no pain every period, which is good. 

Recently, I got really nauseous, randomly, which apparently is a sign of you getting a period. And I had some mouth ulcers this time around as well. They only lasted like 24 hours and then they were gone. They could have been caused by something else, but Google told me that sometimes when your period comes your mouth is more sensitive to hormonal changes, so you get ulcers. 

I've always been a really big believer in just managing my period symptoms. Often when I have cramps and stuff, I don't take anything for them. I am lucky in saying that though, and I honestly acknowledge that my periods are manageable enough to not take anything. 

What do you wish people talked more about when it comes to periods?
I just want people to talk more about them more in general. Like, I found myself the other day at work, being like, I'm going to say, like, Oh, I just felt like I started my period, and blah, blah, blah. I wanted to talk about it with my colleagues. But I felt like it was a weird thing to talk about and so I stopped myself from saying anything. Whereas at home and with friends, we talk about it really openly. But because I'm working in an office environment, I felt weird. 

I wish it was just less of a taboo topic in general. I don't find it taboo but it can be in a lot of different settings and I find myself actively restraining, which feels like a weird, unnatural thing to do for the sake of others.