Exactly What To Do When You Want To Engage In Period Sex But Your Partner Does Not
As a team of females here at The Fix , we understand that not every woman will want to engage in period sex , nor will every partner she chooses to date.
That said, in 2023 more and more women – Fix customers included – are voicing that they do want to participate in period sex, but their romantic partner does not.
Whilst this may not seem like a serious dilemma to some, it is a situation which does have the power to impact a couple’s relationship… often in more ways than one.
If you are a female who enjoys – and is comfortable – having sex on her period, the news that your romantic partner is not, can be quite frustrating and even upsetting.
In order for physical intimacy to be pleasurable and fun, both you and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to the topic of period sex and whether the two of you are both happy to engage in it.
After having done our research and finding that there is still a large proportion of couples not participating in period sex, we here at The Fix knew that this was a situation women were experiencing not just in Australia, but around the world.
To learn more about why some partners are opting out of period sex, and to further uncover what tools we can use to deal with such situations, The Fix spoke with Relationship Counsellor and Sexologist, Isiah Mckimmie.
Is it normal for our romantic partners to not want to engage in period sex?
With every relationship being different, what some couples find normal others may not. That said, Mckimmie agrees that every couple is bound to hold a significantly different viewpoint on the topic of period sex and the choice of whether they will engage in it.
“It’s hard to say what normal is. We all have different preferences and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to have sex while someone has their period”, Mckimmie informs me. It is also important to remember that your romantic partner may not want to engage in period sex for a variety of reasons. These reasons may not directly relate to you or their feelings towards you, hence it is crucial that you have a serious conversation with your partner prior to jumping to any conclusions.
Today the number of partners not wanting to engage in period sex continues to fluctuate, and once again this is due to a variety of reasons that directly and indirectly relate to physically intimacy and a female’s cycle.
Whilst we are focusing on the topic of why some partners do not want to engage in sex during menstruation, we must not also forget that not all women will want too either.
As the ovulating female in the relationship, you may notice that when your period is lighter you are comfortable and keen to engage in sex, as compared to when your flow is much heavier and you are feeling extreme discomfort.
Just because you and your partner had period sex last month, does not necessarily mean either or you will be feeling up to it in the following months.
On the other hand, you as the female may even feel embarrassed about engaging in period sex and therefore not even mention it to your partner…which is also extremely normal.
“Some women don’t like to have sex while on their period because they don’t feel great about themselves during that time of the month or worry about feeling embarrassed or creating mess”, says Mckimmie.
“We all have different things that turn us on - and off. Talking through this and reaching an understanding together can stop this becoming a big issue in a relationship”, adds Mckimmie.
What are some of the most common reasons our partners may not want to engage in period sex?
Despite the list of reasons why our partners may not want to participate in period sex only increasing, the rather typical reasons that have seen an increased number opt out of period sex, range from disgust to discomfort.
“Unfortunately, there’s a lot of stigma that goes with women’s bodies and periods in particular. Some people (totally wrongly) see period blood as dirty or shameful and don’t want to engage with a partner during that time”, says Mckimmie.
Despite more spouses now becoming comfortable with discussing – and coming into contact with – period blood, there is still a vast majority which view their partner’s period of menstruation as gross and somewhat icky.
For many in a relationship today, period sex can be as normal as walking the dog, but for others…the thought of engaging in period sex brings them little to no joy at all.
Whilst it’s easy for us females to tell our spouse to simply lay down a towel and get on with it, we must also consider potentially deeper rooted issues which have led our partner to this decision (not wanting to be physically intimate). Your partner may be squeamish around blood or perhaps never been physically intimate with a partner during their cycle. There is a lot to consider, hence we do recommend having a serious conversation with your significant other before jumping to any conclusions.
At the end of the day, the reason behind why your partner is hesitant to engage in period sex should not really matter. If your spouse does not consent nor feel comfortable engaging in period sex, we can assure you, it will not be a pleasurable experience for anyone involved.
What are some step-by-step ways (or methods) you suggest women discuss this issue with their romantic partner?
Similar to any other conversation surrounding intimacy and the bedroom, you and your partner should be respectful of one another’s opinions and feelings – despite how you might be feeling about the situation yourself.
“When raising any difficult topic with your partner, it’s important to not blame or criticise. Focus on your own emotions and needs - and make a clear request”, says Mckimmie.
It you are currently experiencing this situation with your partner and actively looking for ways in which you can open this conversation without judgement, Mckimmie suggests speaking on how the situation is making you feel yourself.
“You might say something like: Hey, I’ve noticed you don’t seem to want to be intimate with me when I have my period. I love being close with you and having sex during this time is something that I’d like. Would you be open to that?”, states Mckimmie.
What advice would you give to women currently in this situation?
Although not every relationship is the same, the typical advice given to women in this situation is too ensure you speak on how you feel and clearly communicate this with your partner. In order for you and your partner to truly understand and respect each other’s feelings, a serious discussion will need to occur – maybe even more than once.
“Talk this through with your partner. We all have different preferences, but it’s important that you understand each other and can talk through important issues”, says Mckimmie.
If your partner is not saying no to period sex, but appears slightly hesitant, you can also suggest shower sex or the use of a menstrual cup. Although these adjustments may change your partners perspective on period sex, it is also important to remember that at the end of the day no means no.
Not every partner a female chooses to date will want to participate in period sex, and like all aspects of consent, both parties must respect the choice of saying no.
“As a Couples Therapist, my advice is always to take about it together - and try to understand each other’s point of view. With more understanding, you can reach compromises together. My next suggestion if that doesn’t work is treat yourself to a really good vibrator and take control of your own pleasure” says Mckimmie.
Isiah Mckimmie is an Australian Sexologist, Couples therapist, Sex therapist and coach who strives to help both women and couples with various issues associated to intimacy and physical/mental connection. To learn more about Isiah and her work, visit www.isiah-mckimmie.com